Destiny: Book of Light Read online

  "I hope they like me, these apart from all the others seem like they can accept it." I didn’t understand. "I feel like just another person in the group, even though I don’t like this smoking, I’ll continue to. He sees me as another man rather than a blind man."

  I still didn’t really understand, but I began to search through his memories and then it became clear. He had been blind since birth, and because of it he had developed massive paranoia. He saw himself as having a weakness, and he found it very hard to trust anyone. Every relationship he ever had, he fell in love very quickly, but although he was in love, his paranoia and lack of trust meant that everyday he had his heart broken. Everyday he spent with any girl he got hurt, until he woke in darkness the next morning. In the morning he was fine. Something as simple as his partner going to the shop by herself meant it could start it off again. His blindness stopped him from ever being happy, and because he tried and tried again, he just got hurt again and again and again.

  With my wife, he had found in his life of blackness, someone he could trust. And he had come to my house with the last attempt at making a new friend in me. I understood him now. He wasn’t out to impress my wife; he was out to impress me. I had been so ignorant. I left through my selfish jealousy, and as I heard myself making the same excuses that I had made the night before, the pain in my heart, actually the blind mans heart, got worse.

  I woke up and it was morning. The sun glistened off the river and I had never appreciated sight as much as right then. I began to make my way homeward with the intention of making amends with the blind man, but when I found myself on the steps of my house, I realized I was scared to go in. What could I say to him? Did he know that whatever it was that happened, happen? I sat at the steps, and tried to work it all out. It had been the best part of an hour until I heard my wife scream. I ran inside, and found her crying at the blind mans feet. He was dead.

  "He just died, I was sitting here talking to him, not five minutes ago and I went in to make a cup of tea, I came out and heard him take his last breath."

  Once again my selfishness had chosen my path in life. I would have given anything to speak with him.

  Unlock. Now press #. Menu. Messages. Inbox. There were two of any importance. One from a guy called Anthony about dropping the cash to a block of apartments, and the other from a woman saying she was going to leave him because he wasn't man enough. They were born in the same hospital, the same day. In fact only an hour apart. Their Mothers had become acquainted as they lay in beds next to each other, through hours of labour. You would wonder the conversation to be had in a scenario like that. "So how are you?" "Err y'know yourself, can't complain. Great day for it isn't it?" "Ya the weather seems to have picked up nicely alright." And even though they were brought up only thirty miles or so apart they never met until the age of twelve, after both Sarah's parents were killed. The edge of a cliff decided to fall from under them while they had a picnic with their daughter. Luckily she had spotted a patch of daisies and had decided to make a daisy chain for her Mother.

  After it gave way, rushing back, she arrived just in time to see them, along with the various picnic inventory hit the sand some ninety feet below. Hours she spent just staring down at the sprawled out figures of what used to be her parents. And then the night sky. Clear stars. It wasn't until the next morning that a farmer taking his dog and wife for their Sunday morning walk, found her. Before she was eased away she threw the daisy chain down to her Mother. She watched as it fluttered in the wind, back and fourth. It landed in her hand and it seemed as if her Mother smiled. She was sent to live with her Aunt.

  Sarah had been an only child and adapting to life in a six children family, as an unwanted burden would prove to be very challenging. The Cronins had built a name for themselves on Ashwood lane. The children would be left to run wild causing mayhem up and down the street. Mr Padraig Cronin, or Paddy as he was known, had a reputation for fighting down the local and then waking the whole lane up at early hours of the morning, as he played out arguments that had led to the fight at the top of his lungs. Mrs Roisin Cronin on the other hand was considered a saint. How she had the strength to deal with it all, was the topic of many conversations to be had by the gossip driven neighbours, as they hung the clothes out on the line or waddled their way to Bingo on a Thursday night.

  There were whispers that Paddy would often bring his fights home with him. Roaring and shouting would often be heard in the dead of night as neighbours would pretend they couldn't hear it. Denying it to themselves for fear of having to get involved. So concerns remained as whispers. Whispers were also made about other members of the family. Loud bangings, crashings, smashings and screams could be heard during the day too, when Paddy was at work down the docks. Most men on the lane worked the docks, but there wasn't much wealth to be had from it. Hard work and little wage meant keeping food on the table was an achievement, especially in the case of the Cronins, with 6 mouths to feed and most of the income going to The Shamrock Tavern.

  All the houses on the lane were small red bricked bungalows. They all had a small back garden and even smaller front garden. And although having your house detached from other houses and having both front and back gardens might be considered a privilege, there were few who would like to live on Ashwood lane. With the back gardens just a wall apart from the end of the docks, noise, dust and everything else that goes with living by the docks was pretty much a constant. And to top it off they were quite close to the coal power plant aswell, so when there was a South East wind, it was hard to breath, not to mention the hassle of everything, with no mercy, being covered in black soot. Saying that, in terms of kids, they had been blessed with the biggest green out of any of the nearby estates. At either end some kids had hammered nails into planks of wood taken from the docks to make goals and form a pitch. The make shift pitch gave many Mothers in Ashford many hours of peace during the summer months. Many in the winter too but with kids off school during the summer it was appreciated a lot more.

  Grass was hard to come by in Ireland at the time, at least for a twelve year old boy anyway. But Sean was lucky enough to have a cousin named Johny, living in California, where the Hippy movement was at a peak. He would send some over about once a month disguised in anything from Chestnut shells to toothpaste tubes. Nobody asked any questions and it made Sean very popular on the lane. He only had to pay for the postage, which he posted back once a month sometimes with a little extra. His cousin, Johnny said the amount he sent over was only the remains that fell out of joints he made over there. It was nothing to him but was a goldmine to Sean. Every month he would sell a little to make a couple of punts for himself and still have plenty to smoke and share. In the middle of the green there was a rock face, the top being level with the green and the bottom of the houses, and then dropping to a load of Gorse bush. It was about twenty feet high and ran in a semi circle until it met the hill. Through many years of little boys chopping nettles a camp had been formed at the top, long before Sean was ever born, but chopping nettles was a pastime of his younger years too because camps need maintaining. Surrounded by trees and ditch, and with an easy escape down the rock face into the tunnels through the Gorsh, the camp was a favourite place for the kids of Ashwood lane.

  The tunnels themselves were an amazing display of childhood engineering. A complete Labyrinth of pathways many just small enough for a child to crouch through. Adults rarely ventured in there. Sean himself often recalled getting lost for hours upon hours in the maze. Very few points could you actually get above to Gorsh and brambles to see what direction you were heading in. Each tunnel looked the same as the next and was joined, randomly, to many others. The only markers were any large rocks or openings, but you could walk for an hour without seeing any. He often wondered how many kids and how many favourite chopping sticks it took to build such a spectacle. Or how many years it took and how many nettle stings kids had to endure, but mostly how many kids had actually got lost in there. How many kids were neve
r seen again. The parents of Ashwood had told all the kids down through the years that the boogey man lived in there as a feeble attempt to stop such ventures. And although it didn't work, to active imaginations and any kid who had got lost in there (which was most likely every kid in the area,) it did have some effect. And especially at night.

  Johnny had sent over a batch of Thai stick. Obviously named because it was from Thailand and it was on a stick, but this stuff was very potent. Sean and four other lads were hanging out down the camp smoking, and all were experiencing an intense stoned that they never knew was possible.Then he saw her. She was standing in the middle of the pitch being pushed by an older boy. Sean couldn't hear what the boy was shouting at her, but she was crying. With the last push she fell to the ground and the boy gave her a kick and walked away. She got up and ran behind a nearby bush with a book held tightly in her arms. She sat down, opened the book and began to read. For Sean it was hard to understand. He wasn't sure if it was the smokes or something else, but he couldn't take his eyes off her. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He held his breath the whole time and seeing her cry made his heart hurt in a way he had never known.

  "Pat what are you gawkin at?" asked Jimmy. A bit of a bully around the estate. A small guy. Sean slowly figured that you always have to watch the small guys, they always seemed to have something to prove. And although always willing to start a fight, Jimmy was feared more for his ability to ridicule people verbally. This of course didn't apply the same to Sean as everyone else. Sean was the supplier, and therefore the leader. The man. Still though, he had to watch what he said and did around him. He couldn't be seen as weak after all. "I said what are you gawkin at?" Sean snapped out of his trance. "Nutin, what's it to you?" Jimmy leaned over him to take a look. "That one? I hear shes a right weirdo." "Ya I hear she's a complete loner and never talks, as in as if she can't talk or something!" blurted Tommy, a sheep to the shepherds. "Will I call her over?" asked Jimmy in a sniggering whisper. "Go on I dare ya." answered Tommy. "Eh you, come here we wana talk to ya!" Sarah looked up, but the only other movement she made was to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Come on we won't bite ya or nutin!" She looked on for a moment then closed up her book, stood up, half fixed her clothes and started to walk towards them. All this time Sean was still completely entranced by her. She reached the entrance to the camp, stepped over the ditch and shuffled down the little slope to the plateau. She found herself standing dead centre to 5 blood shot eyed boys and was beginning to regret her choice. "What's your name?" asked Jimmy in a semi-taunting tone. She didn't reply. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" and the sniggers burst out. All except for Sean who was again feeling the pain in his heart. "And what's that you've got there?" asked Jimmy, referring to the book clasped in her hands, which tightened as if to answer. "Can I have a look at it?" Again no reply, prompting Jimmy to snatch it out of her hands. She immediately left out a scream and tried frantically to retrieve the book, but Jimmy was too quick and threw it to Tommy. Then Tommy managed to read the title and read it out loud. "My diary, Jesus you are a weirdo!" and he couldn't be consoled with laughter as he threw it to one of the other boys, and then the other, until it became a game of piggy in the middle. All the while Sean looked on with a face about to burst with rage. Again the book was thrown from Jimmy to Tommy and Sarah, completely overcome by the scenario began to cry. At this point Sean couldn't take it anymore and stepped in. He grabbed the book out of Tommy's hands, sized up to him as if to say what are you gonna do about it, then sized up to Jimmy locking eyeballs to a degree that God facing the devil would be compared to, then grabbed Sarah's hand and marched out of the camp.

  The boys remained in the camp gob smacked, jaws hanging open. This was unheard of. In the never ending war between boys and girls nobody to date, had sided with the other team in a conflict like this. It might be that a boy would talk to a girl, one to one, but as soon as any other boys or any other girls were about it immediately became boys against girls. Jimmy was the first to get over the initial shock. "Pussy!" and all the boys burst into laughter. "Du hear that you pussy?" "Pussy, pussy!" they all began to shout out, still within ears reach to Sean, but he wasn't bothered. He marched onwards dragging Sarah along behind him, towards his favourite place in the area, simply known as "The field." Not exactly distinguishing it from any other field.

  At this point she couldn't take her eyes off the book which was now clutched under Sean’s armpit, but she also couldn't help noticing the warmth and strength of his hand. No boy had ever held her hand before, and she liked it. And it was the same in Sean's case but it was just instinct to him because of the situation they were in. As soon as he realised what he was doing he let go. Besides they had reached the field. He climbed up on the ditch first and then pulled Sarah up. Then he jumped down and helped her down. The wheat was at full growth and it swayed magnificently with the wind, around the slope of the field down to the cliffs, that ran the length of that part of the coastline. The sun was gleaming off the choppy ocean as the spray crashing off the rocks below lit up the sky with short lived rainbows.

  Sean handed her the book and began stamping down a circle in the wheat for them to sit on. She watched him for a few moments and then said, in almost a whisper, "Thank you." He looked up from his stamping in shock as if she had just spoken her very first word. "I thought you couldn't speak?" he asked. "Thats what everyone says about you?" She just smiled. "Didn't know you could smile either?" The smile widened and she couldn't help but let out a trickle of a giggle. "My names Sean." and he extended his hand. She looked at it for a moment and then extended hers in return. "Sarah," she replied again in such a gentle voice, as if trying not to wake a sleeping baby. Sean sat down and she followed his lead. "This is my favourite place round here, d'you see how the spray makes little rainbows?" She hadn't noticed before, being too preoccupied watching every movement he made, and recalling how he had saved her, and her book.

  She looked up at the dazzling display of colours moving up and down with the rhythm off the sea. Soaring up to the sound of the crashing on the rocks and then floating back when gravity kicked in. She nodded her head and smiled. "It's beautiful." They both looked on, each afraid to say the next word. Uncomfortable in the silence but dreading the thought of saying something, and yet racking their brains trying to think of something to say.

  Eventually, they both uttered at the same time "So." and both were cut off by the other, each leaving out a little giggle. Sean attempting to be the gentleman his father had always thought him to be said "You go." To which Sarah replied "No you go." "It's grand you go." She merely looked at him and he was defeated. "Ok well all I was going to say was sorry about the boys back there. They are my friends but sometimes they can be complete assholes." "It's ok." "Is the book alright, it's not damaged or anythin is it?" "No its fine." She smiled and again clutched her arms tightly around the book. "Y'know if it means so much to ya, ya probably shouldn bring it ou with ya. People round ere are always tryin to steal stuff, y'know?" She smiled and nodded her head. Sean was getting relaxed around her now and a little bit of cheekiness came out in him. Being curious as to what secrets she might be hiding in her diary he asked "So any chance I could get a look at what you've written in der?" She clutched the book and just stared at him, the smile wiped from her face. "Jesus, don't worry your secrets would be safe with me, I swear I won't say a word to anyone," he said defensively. She stood up and looked down at him for a moment. "It was my Mothers," and with that she scampered over the ditch and ran up through the next field on her way home. Sean watched her, kicking himself.

  Joes shop was easy pickings. Old man Joe was too old for this era. His fault was that he believed in the best in people and never thought that anybody would be so cruel. But this weakness would be exploited. To the full, and eventually would put him out of business. The scam was simple. Joe had an array of penny jellies, lined up in plastic containers, in a glass display just under his cash register. But it wa
sn't the cash in the till that was the treasure here, it was the cigarettes behind him that were the target. Two boys enter the shop. They each had done this many times over. Joe was old and short of hearing. The first boy with a fresh twenty pence coin speaks to Joe. "Can I get some penny jellies please?" Joe, seeing the twenty pence coin, and enlightened by the simplicity and purity of childhood, bends down to the penny jelly section of his store. "Which ones would you like my dear lad?" he would enquire. And with about fifty choices to chose from, Jimmy would take up as much time as he could.

  "No not one of them sir, the ones next to them. No not that side the other side. Yeah one of those, and can I have one of these ones here too please sir, no not those ones the ones behind them. Ya one of them. And let me see now. Are the apple jacks any nice Sir?" "Yes son, they’re quite exquisite. They leave a lovely after taste in your mouth." Joe liked to think of himself as a bit of a sweet expert. It was his way of keeping himself thinking that he was still in touch with the youth of the day. And because of this, delaying the inevitability of eventually having to admit to himself that he is getting old. "No I don't think I'll have one of them, maybe one of these ones at the front. No not those ones, next to them. No the other side."

  As this charade was going on, Sean had snuck in behind the counter, to where the goldmine was at arms length. With a baggy long jacket, which was for winter use, but slightly modified with extra pockets stitched on the inside, it was only a matter of filling up. This time around though, Sean noticed something new. A yellow can that said lighter fluid on it. Lighters were rarely seen in that area and those who managed to afford one did their best to keep it for as long as they could. Sean stuffed the can, along with 120 cigarettes and five packs of rolling papers into his pockets, then jumped over the counter and walked calmly out of the shop. He waited outside for Jimmy who followed soon after with his 20 jellies. Sean didn't tell Jimmy about the lighter fluid, he knew himself that you could get high by inhaling the fumes from it and he wanted to keep it to himself. The boys headed for the camp.